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canada goose outlet online uk Selling Point for Kids: What’s not to love? The voice talents of Jon Stewart, Chevy Chase, and Whoopi Goldberg, plus fart jokes, a jack in the box, and a merry go round? Kids still love toys from 100 years ago, right? Yeah, probably. canada goose outlet online uk

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Hatred on Display: Inexplicably, this movie performed well in Europe. Well, actually it can be explained. Europe got canada goose factory outlet the original cut. American children, who movie studios traditionally believe are one step up the evolutionary ladder from drunken orangutans, were believed to be unable canada goose outlet store to handle this movie in its original format, so it was redubbed by American actors and fart jokes that weren’t funny were added in. See, because in America, all anyone understands is farting and the nuanced humor of Larry the Cable Guy. It’s why Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was renamed Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, because studios are convinced you’re one retarded spasm away from flopping into a river and drowning because the mittens pinned to your coat caught on a log at all times.

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Selling Point for Kids: In theory, the Garbage Pail Kids themselves were a selling point, but they’re fucking terrifying to look at. Not canada goose outlet in usa in an intentional way, they’re just wrong. Poorly made, awful, wrong little shitty creatures with no redeemable features.

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Get past all of the bizarre and uncomfortable plot points and you’re still left with the Garbage Pail Kids themselves. Imagine for a moment your blender. Imagine if the glass container of your blender could be removed, but the base, with the spinning blades, is intact. Now imagine those blades spinning away and someone maintaining eye contact canada goose outlet with you as they begin doing naked squats over those blades. Squat after naked squat, each time getting a little lower, never breaking eye contact with you. And the horror builds and builds until the inevitable moment when that person squats their junk right down on that blender.

Synopsis: The world’s most popular video game (at the time) becomes the world’s most ill advised film when the human from Roger Rabbit teams up goose outlet canada with rat like pseudo comedian John Leguizamo to disregard 90 percent of the source material and make a movie about a dystopian shithole run by Dennis Hopper’s terrible haircut and something to do with evolution and de evolution.

canada goose outlet store uk Selling Point for Kids: Super Mario Bros. was awesome. Back when the NES was still the power system to own, before Sony or Microsoft even dreamed of having game consoles out there, Mario was the king. Now he’s in every game Nintendo makes and not a soul on Earth gave a rat’s ass about Super Mario Basket Weaving for Wii U, but back in the day the games were fun, so a movie featuring two plumbers saving princesses from turtles was as cool as, if not cooler than, a movie about martial artist turtles. canada goose outlet store uk

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Synopsis: Everyone knows this story dude makes a puppet, puppet comes to life, wants to be a real boy, gets eaten by a whale, has a nose that grows when he lies, becomes a boy, the end. In this version, the little wooden boy is played by 50 year old, balding, socially retarded Italian actor Roberto Benigni. Gonna be honest, I couldn’t actually watch this whole movie, and I did watch all the other ones to write this article. This one, though, had to turn that shit off. I assume it follows the plot of the story you know, more or less.

canada goose outlet mall Selling Point for Kids: I really have no idea. I know why Pinocchio from Disney appeals to kids, but I honestly think Roberto Benigni was literally insane when he sharted this thing out. Kids generally do not take a shine to middle aged men dressed like sex abuse nightmares. If this movie was a meal, it’d be a burger with a series of pubes firmly embedded in the pickle at regular intervals so you absolutely know it wasn’t a mistake. canada goose outlet mall

Hatred on Display: This clip is not something I thecanadagooseoutlet paid a group of sinister, society hating nihilists to make for the express purpose of damaging your psyche, this is a real scene from this movie.

Roberto Benigni did everything you see in that scene on purpose. He wrote and directed this movie. It’s not like he owed someone for placing bad bets down at the horse track. This was all his doing. Do you even want a child to see this? Do you want your progeny to have to grow and develop as humans with this embedded in their memories, threatening to creep out at any moment? Imagine coming home one day, years later, to find your kid dressed like Robert Benigni in canada goose outlet black friday this movie. Fuck that.

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